Holiday Burnout
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When We Lose The Holiday Spirit Trying to Create The Holiday Spirit
The holiday season is meant to be a time of joy, togetherness, and reflection. But for many, it has become a time of pressure—an overwhelming desire to capture that elusive “holiday spirit.” Whether it’s decorating perfectly, buying the right gifts, or feeling a specific way about the season, the push to experience joy can actually make us feel more stressed and disconnected. This paradox is a reminder that sometimes the best way to embrace the holidays is by letting go of the need to “feel” them in any particular way.
The Pressure to Be Happy
The holidays often come with high expectations—media portrayals, societal pressures, and even well-meaning family members all seem to suggest that we should be filled with warmth, gratitude, and joy. But what happens when you don’t feel that way? You might begin to worry that something’s wrong with you. You might try harder to create that festive energy by over-scheduling, over-spending, or overthinking your plans. In the process, however, you might find yourself feeling exhausted, burned out, or even more disconnected from the spirit of the season. Happiness can’t be forced, and trying too hard to “make” joy happen often has the opposite effect.
Why the Holiday Spirit Feels So Elusive
The holidays can bring up mixed emotions: for some, it’s a reminder of loss, loneliness, or past disappointments. For others, it can be overwhelming to meet the expectations of family dynamics, social obligations, and financial strain. This complexity can make it hard to tap into the idealized version of the holiday spirit that’s so often depicted in movies or advertisements. And when we try to force those feelings—by adhering to a rigid set of traditions or an idealized image of what we think the season should look like—we can set ourselves up for disappointment.
Therapeutic Takeaway:
The holiday season is not about perfect moments, but about finding meaning and connection in whatever form it takes for you. Trying to recreate the “perfect” holiday can blind us to the smaller, more authentic moments that may actually bring more peace.
The Paradox of Trying Too Hard
The more we chase something, the more elusive it becomes. This is especially true with emotions and experiences. If you find yourself in a pattern of over-committing to plans, stressing over every detail, or feeling like you “should” be in a festive mood, it’s helpful to pause and consider what’s really at the heart of your stress. Are you trying to meet external expectations or are you in touch with what you really need to feel supported during this time of year?
Practical Tips:
Set Boundaries: Recognize where your limits are—whether it’s with family, friends, or activities. Saying no can help you reclaim your time and energy.
Prioritize Rest: We often forget that the holidays can be draining, both emotionally and physically. Allow yourself to rest and recharge.
Focus on What Feels Good to You: Rather than trying to do everything, ask yourself what genuinely feels meaningful. Sometimes that might be a quiet moment of reflection, a simple meal with loved ones, or even a solo walk.
Let Go of Perfection: No holiday is ever “perfect,” but it’s the imperfections that make the experience more human and relatable. Embrace the messiness of the season.
The Gift of Acceptance
Ultimately, the holiday spirit is not a fixed feeling that can be manufactured—it’s something that can evolve, sometimes in unexpected ways. The more you let go of trying to force a specific outcome, the more room there is for unexpected moments of joy, connection, and meaning to emerge. The holiday spirit doesn’t need to be grand; it can be found in the quiet moments, the unplanned encounters, or even in the moments when you simply let go and take a breath.
During the holiday season, give yourself the gift of grace. Rather than seeking out the perfect holiday, allow yourself to experience the season as it comes—complete with all its complexity and contradictions. When you stop trying so hard to make it magical, you might find that it is, in fact, already magical in its own way.
Take some time to ponder: What are some of the pressures or expectations you feel around the holidays? How might you give yourself permission to release them this year? What would it be like to let go of certain traditions? How would it feel to give fewer boxed gifts or none at all? What would a season be like without the rigidity of certain traditions?