When your mind feels like a hot tangled mess…loosen the knot.
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Do you ever wonder what you are going to talk about in therapy? Is it difficult to imagine how you will benefit from talking? Do you question how therapy can help if your thoughts are jumbled up in your head? Do you hear yourself saying “what’s the point”? These are common questions I hear from people who are considering therapy or just starting out. Even therapy veterans have a day where they feel like they just don’t know where they are going to go with their session.
Well…talk therapy is different than talking. Like the image I took for this blog, I like to think about the tangled thoughts and emotions that bring a person to therapy as unraveling through focused, purposeful discussion. Sometimes therapy is less about a specific goal than it is about the work in and between issues to develop enduring change.
Pulling too hard on one thread within the knot generally just binds the strings tighter. Is that what we experience when we try to focus too intently on an isolated issue? Do we focus so hard and want so much so badly that we tie ourselves up in tension? Is this what drives a constant state of anxiety in some people? To me, therapy can be a way of thinking and talking differently.
While I don’t believe there is a perfect formula for therapy, I tend to see sessions as having a pattern. Within the first third of the session, we take stock of the tangled knot of thoughts, feelings and sensations. These can be expressed without any particular necessity for meaning. In fact, this is the part where people often question what’s the point of what they are saying. In this first part of the session, I listen and support the process to identify all of the threads.
Then in the middle third, we investigate. We start to find a pattern…a theme. We start to see separate threads even if they are still tangled. Sometimes just finding the space between the thoughts (like loosening the knots) brings a sense of relief. Sorting through and issues, we develop an understanding of how ideas connect through an interrelated pattern.
The last third of the session is when we tie it all up. We make new sense of the loosened tangled thread of ideas by organizing, recategorizing, and reconceptualizing them. The confusion lifts as each thread is wound and contained in its place.
In summary:
Look at the knot. Just take it all in.
Loosen the knot. Breathe, and find a sense of relief by observing ideas without judgment.
Spool the thread. Having found a pattern, separate and organize your thoughts in the way that works best for you.
Contents of this blog and throughout this site are intended as additional resources for people already in or considering psychotherapy. It is not a replacement for therapy and if at any point you feel you are in crisis, please call the National Crisis Line 1-844-493-8255, Text "Talk" to 38255, call 911, or go to your nearest emergency room. However, if you are interested in therapy and would like to consult with me about that, please click below to request a 15-minute free consult.